As much as parents try, it's usually impossible to divide an estate into precisely equal shares for their children – and sometimes that's not a parent's goal.  There are ways for parents to minimize friction, however:  Talk with your children about your intentions, particularly if you are leaving more to one child than the others.  This "favoritism" may be due to health problems, financial setbacks or to "even out" assistance giving to others during your lifetime.  Whatever the reasons, discuss the plans with your children. 

A letter of instruction may prevent disputes over who should receive certain assets of sentimental value.  Unlike a will or living trust, a letter of instruction is not a legal document, but expresses your wishes regarding items of personal property and can be updated without the formal requirements of a will.  If it's important for one child to have a particular item, consider giving it to him or her now.  A gift also removes the value of the asset from your gross estate.    

If one child wishes to buy the family home, consider leaving it to him or her in your estate plan and dividing the rest of the estate among the other children.  If the home represents a major portion of the estate, allow the child to purchase the other siblings' shares or place the home in a trust for the benefit of all the children.  The child living in the home will pay rent that is then distributed to the others; he or she can also buy the home from the trust. 

Take into consideration the valuation issues that may occur when designating assets for the children. Leaving the silver to one and an antique vase to another may seem fair today, but the assets may not appreciate at the same rate over the years. Having periodic appraisals will help determine if one child is reaping a windfall and will also assist the executor in appraising the assets for estate tax purposes. 

The ups and downs in the stock market make it important to review plans for how your brokerage and retirement accounts will be distributed.  Take a look at your will or revocable living trust to see if changes in stock values could result in some of your beneficiaries being shortchanged.   Remember that income taxes are payable on some assets, such as retirement accounts and savings bonds.  Divide these tax-burdened assets among children evenly or, better yet, leave them to an organization such as the American Red Cross that is tax exempt.

For more information about charitable estate planning, contact the Gift Planning Office at 1-800-797-8022, ext. 5, plndgiving@usa.redcross.org or log on to www.redcrosslegacy.org