By Crystal Reiss

A Tender but Strong Love Becomes the Foundation of Gratitude and Giving

When Phillip Wong, a math professor at Contra Costa College, met Lisa Lemus—a K-12 teacher—at a church dance on Valentine’s Day in 1996, everything changed. As divorcees, they both understood what it meant to spend a life together, yet they also understood what it meant to live alone (coincidentally, they’d both been single for 17 years). Most of all, family was everything to them. Phillip had three grown children, and Lisa had two. But living on their own had left them open to dating, and their meeting was unforgettable.

Though Phillip “left [the dance] early,” Lisa recently recalled, remembering that important evening. “He gave me a bow, and I thought ‘Wow!’” Thanks to a mutual friend, they had a second chance to enjoy each other’s company. And it turned out that Phillip not only had excellent manners, but he was also patient, the kind of man who could chat jovially and be at ease in frustrating situations. “I thought, ‘This is a metaphor. Hey, you’re a fun guy, and we’re going to have a good life because we can laugh in traffic!’”

After that, their relationship grew and deepened, and it soon became clear that they must be together. As Lisa saw it, the only way forward was to get their kids to approve of the marriage. “They agreed that we were both glowing. So, the stars aligned, and we got married…in February 1998.”

After many years together in a home that welcomed their combined families and supported memorable travel and cultural excursions, Phillip and Lisa faced what no married couple was prepared to face. In 2015, when Phillip was diagnosed with cancer, Lisa knew they must face the disease together, with love and determination.

Facing It Together

In 2016, when Phillip started chemotherapy, “We said, ‘Hey, we’re going to get through this together.’” It was an emotional and physically trying time, but after the first round of chemotherapy, “the doctor was hopeful that the cancer would just go away for many years.” They enjoyed a reprieve, traveling and spending quality time with family, “but after two years…it came back.”

At that point, Phillip’s doctor told him that the cancer had progressed so much that he would need to begin palliative care—which they hoped would ease the pain associated with the illness—and start an immune treatment that could potentially offer Phillip another year of life. But then, once again Phillip’s doctor told him that it was time for another round of treatment. “Phillip tried negotiating with him. It was like he was negotiating with death. He said, ‘What if I take more pills, what if I do this, what if I do that?’” But the only thing Phillip’s doctor could offer was more chemotherapy or blood transfusions for comfort.

Blood for Comfort and Extended Time

Though Phillip and Lisa sought second opinions with top physicians, alternative and holistic approaches, and more chemotherapy, the cancer kept progressing. “So, in 2020 we faced mortality.”

The double whammy of Covid-induced isolation early in the year and the relentless disease that had been consuming so much of their experience since 2015 led Phillip to focus on what meant most to him: family and a deep longing to give. That’s when he began donating to the American Red Cross, the organization that had made it possible for him to receive the blood transfusions that comforted him and also extended his life. 

For every pint of blood he received, he mailed $100 to the organization’s Northern California Coastal Region’s office. “He was doing, sometimes, two pints of blood a week.” Each blood transfusion allowed him to focus on what was truly important to him. This meant spending time with family and friends and show gratitude to the communities that had been so important to him. These donations to the organizations that extended his life—including his beloved Contra Costa College—were his way of carrying the gift of time forward. It was important that he could give someone else facing a similar challenge the same care. 

It took time, but Lisa understood after reading his journals that Phillip had been making peace with death from the moment he was diagnosed eight years before the day that he passed: August 22, 2023.

“The donations he made, I can continue.”

“It turned out,” Lisa asserted when she spoke of Phillip’s longing to give, “that he was by nature generous.” Whenever she mentions the experience she and Phillip faced, she makes sure to say, “Please convey my gratitude.” This gratitude for the extra time blood donors gave to Phillip has become an important part of her life. As he did, she does: giving to the people who offered blood to give others a chance to continue—a beautiful circle of giving.